CHILI

Diners eat meals but deserters don't eat dessert, the road that goes to town has never been there, I'm in a house and grandma's in a home, centimeters tall and inches long! nice rump but I'll have the breasts, steamrollers don't roll steam and irons are made of steel, your roots in Australia aren't your family, a wonder bra doesn't think, flyers and flags don't fly and leaflets aren't small leaves, cars run on petrol and people run on grass, sandshoes aren't made of sand, some pastas are people, do clowns taste funny to cannibals, never say you love kids in jail, a half moon can't be filled, summer time, spring time, winter time, autumn? boutique beers aren't sold in boutiques, and finally- WHY ISN'T A WEDDING CAKE A TALL ORDER?

Not sure what happened here, but here's my girl being "tuff" with her cousin who looks like he's just seen a ghost

Well. now that I'm unemployed I've been lounging around the pool with the Kid. And life is good. Got a great tan now and contemplating looking for work, but what the fuck, there's no hurry and the pool is cool! Cheers to all you

9 - 5ers

The American Military recently test fired their innovative, new addition to their small arms inventory over Baghdad. The highly controversial M1A1 Friendly Fire Mini Gun, which spews out over 6000 rounds a minute and is helicopter mounted to allow for the supply of ammunition, will greatly improve the average GI's chances of scoring the much sought after Medal of Disgrace for killing allied combatants and civilians in the way of the all American traditional Yippee shoot for the Gung-Ho!

One of the good ol boys raking for fun

I'm confused about weather to call this "FRENCH BABY RIOTS" or "FUCK THE FRENCH BABIES" anyway:

When a responsible parent knows it is time to upgrade, and the baby objects, and the parent is in the right, the baby will do what babies do: Kick, scream, cry, throw petrol bombs, shout, riot and generally become a pain in the ass to the nation "parent" , and more civilized nations observing the imature outbursts of a spoilt brat republic. However, such crying never lasts long and the benefits help all concerned in the long run. Patient parents win and reactionary, violent and self-protectionist protests from babies fail because the baby can't deny growth and development. Will my baby want to go to university in a nappy? HA BLOODY HA! Of course not.

WHEN WILL THE french BABIES GROW UP? THE REST OF THE WORLD DOES NOT CARE OR TO FOLLOW THE french EXAMPLE AS IT DISPCABLE BEHAVIOR FROM SPOILT BRATS. (SBS) SPOILT BRAT SYNDROME. A TOTALLY FRENCH DISEASE. "vive le bebie"

BREAKING NEWS

The American Democarrot Party (pictured below) met today to nominate a candidate for President and Commander in Chief of the USA for the impending election due in 2008. Some seniletors called for Hilariously Carrot of New York to take the post as she at least had a public profile known around the globe. Others wanted a more aggressive figure and called for Evander Holycarrotfield although no democarrots seemed to know of his political leaning. Eventually the meeting came to a close with no clear winner and the seniletors agreed to reconvene to resolve the issue at another luxury hotel soon.

Mr Potato Head Scoffing.    

American rocket scientists tested their prototype "Mach 6 Farty Bean Resistant Pilot" today just outside of Reality, Florida. This latest development sparked renewed speculation of the secret use of alien technology gathered from the Roswell crash site. "Now that the new genetically improved pilots have a greater tolerance we will be able to fly them at Mach 7 and bomb targets before we even know where they are" Quipped one of the boffins. Military officials refused to comment prior to being beamed up.

• "I-I-I know what you're gonna say son. When two halves is gone there's nuthin' left - and you're right. It's a little ol' worm who wasn't there. Two nuthins is nuthin'. That's mathematics son. You can argue with me but you can't argue with figures. Two half nuthins is a whole nuthin'."
  
• "Lookit here son, I say son, did ya see that hawk after those hens? He scared 'em! That Rhode Island Red turned white. Then blue. Rhode Island. Red, white, and blue. That's a joke, son. A flag waver."
  
• "You're built too low. The fast ones go over your head. Ya got a hole in your glove. I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em. Ya gotta keep your eye on the ball. Eye. Ball. I almost had a gag, son. Joke, that is."
  
• "Okay, I'll shut up. Some fellas have to keep their tongues flappin' but not me. I was brought up right. My pa used to tell me to shut up and I'd shut up. I wouldn't say nothin'. One time darn near starved to death. WOULDN'T TELL HIM I WAS HUNGRY!!"
  
• "Fortunately, I keep my feathers numbered for just such an emergency!"
  
• "You're doing a lot of choppin', but no chips are flyin'"
  
• "Boy's like a dead horse -- got no get-up-and-go..."
  
• "Pay attention, boy! I'm cuttin' but you're not bleedin'!"
  
• "Kid don't stop talking so much he'll get his tongue sun burned."
  
• "Mutts - ah say - mutts is nuts!"
  
• "I don't this kid's got all his marbles. Shakes his head when he means yes and nods when he means no."
  
• "That boy's so dumb, he thinks a Mexican border pays rent!"
  
• "I don't need your love to keep me warm, Widow Hen. I have my BANDAGES to keep me warm!"
  
• "Say, boy, you cover about as much as a flapper skirt in a high wind."
  
• "You've gotta be a magician to keep a kid's attention 'more than two minutes nowadays!"
  
• "A sensitive mind won't stand being picked on."
  
• "The dawg's busier than a centipede at a toe-counting contest."
  
• "Hey Dawg! I've come to bury the hatchet! Ha, ha. Not in your pointed head, Boy. I've come to give a present!"
  
• "The snow's so deep, the farmers have to jack up the cows so they can milk 'em!"
  

If a tank got that close to me before someone destroyed it I'd probably poo my pants            

 "Iraq Iran War"